One of the couple may just be saying yes to please the other one, so its important you get to know the other guy before heading in. So start dating the other partner on a one on one basis is vital, and see if that dynamic works, after a few months of doing this you will have a much larger picture on how level the relationship playing field will be.
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Feeling social? I think there are expectation amongst hetrosexuals that are not "the norm" in gay culture. Thread Tools.
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Mark Forums Read. Join Date: Jan Location: Kansas City MO Posts: Find all posts by littlefly JaneQSmythe Senior Member. Pennsyl-tucky Posts: Find all posts by JaneQSmythe. Nov Posts: What other qualities do they have between them that you admire and would like for yourself? Can you approach them to tell them the things that you want for yourself to feel fulfilled?
The bottom line is, figure out what it is you want from your own relationship with each of them individually and collaboratively come up with a road map on how to achieve that. I just wanted to follow up with saying that my partners and I had a meeting full of large sheets of butcher paper used to map out each individual relationship and how to better develop each one individually as well as discussing how we can meet all of our needs better.
Because of your generous information, we're much more successful and our happy gay triad is so full of love! You and every other poster in this thread , have helped so much, and three loving people are happier because of it. Your feedback is such a gift. Thank you for clarifying as I was struggling to understand. We definitely talk everyday about how to meet our needs and what accommodations need to happen for everyone to feel the love.
All of this info will greatly help my happy homo-triad. Thank you! You want equality?
Find two other single people and make a triad from the start. You'll be equal for all about 2 months. Expecting the equality you seem to seek from a 16 year married couple is outrageous to say the least.
They have a strong committed relationship and you're new and shiny. Both statuses have their benefits and drawbacks and create their own sets of insecurities. They may be grappling with feelings of insecurity around how hot the sex is with you and whether they are more attracted to you than each other. Meanwhile you're feeling that your relationships with them are not as deep. And how could they be? They've had years to build their relationship and you've had far less time. It's just not reasonable for you to expect parity.
So I suggest you stop trying to have their relationship and instead have yours. Enjoy what you have right now. Let it grow and evolve into everything it can be, because the harder you push, the less likely you are to get what you are pushing for.
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My attempt to write basically the same comment ended up so saccharine I was nauseous and deleted it. Thanks for doing a better job! That's very helpful info, thank you so much! I do find myself envious of their relationship and the history they have, and that's not healthy at all in this situation and something I've been working on. I've only dated one half of a couple, but I knew he went home to his wife.
Frankly, I enjoyed my time alone and how am I supposed to bring a date home with me if he's there? I get the safety and security of an established relationship with someone I KNOW can commit to a lasting partnership. AND I still get to go out and flirt, stay out all night and be single. Whereas he has to be home at night for the babies.
I have a lot of the same questions. It doesn't come out for a couple months, but there's a book called, More Than Two, that seems very promising. I don't have experience dating only one. There are a lot of questions about how to start off a triad that I feel uneasy about.
I deal with feelings of being dispensable.
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They tell me on a daily basis how much they love and care about me, but knowing that they have been together for 16 years and we just started our triad, if anything goes south, I know that I will be the one that leaves, and they will still be together. I know that fear is there as I'm not a member of the house yet, nor are we legally bonded whereas they already are.
Like I mentioned before, they are very flexible and accommodating and express how much they love and care for me daily, so I don't fear that it will happen, but the inequalities are there which would allow it to happen, hypothetically. Honestly, as a member of a gay pair for 10 years now, I understand your standpoint. As far as how you can deal as a third not living with them Well, I can't speak to the situation, but we had way more intimacy when our third was around than when he wasn't. We still did our best to include him at all times, even if it meant staying overnight and getting up early, when it was what he wanted.
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I certainly wouldn't have wanted him to feel left out and did my best to include him at every possible opportunity. As far as the trips and stuff Even in a long term triad not everyone can do everything together The question here is more about what can make you feel special and important to them in that situation. Figure that out, and communicate what you need surrounding that, so that everyone can be as happy as possible. As far as being around each other I wish our former third were that way.
He's also very extroverted, but needs lots of different people around and spent more time at parties and away from us, which I don't blame him for but was an obvious lifestyle difference. As far as different forms of emotional expression? I still fall back on communication.
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Meet your needs, let them know what your needs are, and do your best. Even as two introverts, my partner and I never turn away our partner when we have at least one. If we're available, he's welcome any time, and his time with us, alone or together, is treasured. Sounds to me like there are just parts of the relationship that you're having trouble with, things that aren't being met.
Think less about "equal" overall, and more about your needs. Where are your needs not being met? How can they be met? Once you determine that, and communicate it, you can work toward a solution that appeases everyone.
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Thank you so much for posting this. I have learned a great deal from reading this thread and I hope to apply some of these lessons in my own life. I can't really relate substantially to your situation, in an open triad gay relationship.